On My Own
by Aki Kochou
Summary: [Oneshot,One sided LanChaud] I doubt you see me as anything but your rival, someone to keep your skills sharp with. But would you ever see me as anything else besides 'Hikari? Would you ever...fall in love with me too?


Hey there everyone! Right now, I'm writing this at my friend's house and when she and I went to this park, she gave me this idea. It's also about 12:49 AM so don't blame me for any spelling errors. So, the song for this fic is a song that I've been singing in vocal lessons. So let's get this fic started.

_Italics_ are Lan's own thoughts/imagination

On My Own Hikari no Namida Song: On My Own from Les Miserables 

_**Sometimes I walk alone at night  
When everybody else is sleeping  
**_

Darkness covered the natural park that was the forest. A lone figure randomly walked through with no true purpose for being there. Perhaps it was the ability to think and to be alone. Or perhaps it was that the trees did not judge a person. The plants would not hold a person to the expectations of all the other humans. The moon would provide a peaceful sanctuary where one could be alone while all others slept.

_**I think of him and I'm happy  
With the company I'm keeping  
The city goes to bed  
And I can live inside my head**_

Lan wandered the forest alone with only the other plants and the moon for company. While many times, he would be lonely, this time; he enjoyed the lack of any other human presence. He enjoyed the time that he had to think and more or less live inside of his own mind. Right now, he only had one thing on his mind…

"Chaud…" Lan murmured to the wind.

_**On my own  
Pretending he's beside me  
All alone  
I walk with him till morning  
**_

Lan sighed. Ok, so perhaps there was one person he wished he could talk to.

"_So there you are, Lan. Why are you out here?"_

"_I…I dunno…just thinking I suppose…But…it's really nice out, isn't it?" A nod in reply. _

"_Yea…it is…" _

"_Can we just walk for a while, Chaud?" _

"_Sure, why not?"_

_**Without him  
I feel his arms around me  
And when I lose my way I close my eyes  
And he has found me**_

"_W-where am I? Where are you, Chaud?" A warm feeling filled Lan as strong, yet comforting arms surrounded him._

"_Don't worry Lan. I'm here. I won't let you get lost." The younger boy relaxed into the older's arms. _

"_Thank you…"_

_**In the rain the pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
In the darkness,  
The trees are full of starlight  
**_

_Splatter…drip…drop…_

"_It's raining…" Lan murmured._

"_Do you mind it…?"_

"_No…the rain helps plants grow. Plus…"_

"_Yea…?" The younger hesistated._

"_Actually, I don't know."_

"_Idiot." The older said affectionately._

_**And all I see is him and me**_

_**Forever and forever**_

"_Chaud?" _

"_Yes?" _

"_Promise…" Chaud looked inquiringly at Lan and Lan continued. "Promise…you won't…leave me…" Chaud blinked but smiled and embraced the other boy. _

"_Don't worry, I promise. I will never leave you." Again, Lan relaxed into the embrace. Something about the embrace made him feel warm inside and like he had the power to defeat anything…as long as Chaud was by his side._

_**And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
And although I know that he is blind  
Still I say, there's a way for us**_

Lan sighed. Like that would ever happen…As far as he knew, all Chaud saw him as was simply a netbattle rival; someone to keep his skills sharp with. There could be no way…Could Chaud ever see him as anything more than just 'Hikari'? Was it possible that Chaud would ever…love him?

"Perhaps…maybe…someday…" Lan whispered.

_**I love him  
But when the night is over  
He is gone  
The river's just a river  
Without him  
The world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere  
The streets are full of strangers**_

For some reason, when Lan was with Chaud, the world seemed…different. Brighter, even more colorful than it already was. However, when he wasn't around…

"It's darker…it's like…I barely even know myself anymore…if I don't even know myself, how would I recognize anyone else…?" Lan questioned himself, but found no answer in his mind.

_**I love him  
But every day I'm learning  
All my life  
I've only been pretending  
Without me  
His world would go on turning  
A world that's full of happiness  
That I have never known**_

Most people saw Lan as a hyper-active kid who always looked on the bright side of things. However, when he was alone in times like this…when he was just laying on the grass, staring at the stars twinkling above him…he let everything go. He let himself be who his subconscious wanted.

"I'll bet you Chaud's in his office, doing all that boring paper work and paying absolutely no mind to his own health. And then Protoman might try to get him to take a break, but Chaud will either just ignore him or just say 'There's no time for that. I've got to get this paperwork done'. " Lan laughed softly. That certainly did seem like Chaud.

"But Chaud really should pay more attention to himself. All he does is work, work, work, occasional netbattle and then more work. No wonder he gets sick. It's because he's so busy working!" Lan exclaimed and again laughed. But then, his eyes dimmed and he sobered.

'But…if I were with him…would that be different…? Would he listen to me…?'

_**I love him  
I love him  
**_

Lan barely realized that he left the park until a bright city light burned against his eyes. He took in his surroundings with surprise.

"Chaud's house…" Lan muttered. "Funny I'd end up here…"

_**I love him  
But only on my own.**_

'Someday…maybe he'll love me too…'


End file.
